By Bangkok Byron

When Old Asia Hands talk about “chemistry” it has nothing to do with that dryasdust subject at school where you copied the table of elements and made disgusting smells in test tubes. They are referring to that indefinable electric spark between a man and woman that makes them feel horny – what the poet, Ezra Pound, called “the purring of the invisible antennae”.


If you don't feel it for her, you might not be able to get it up (unless you’re so randy you could shag a coffee table!) and if she doesn’t feel it for you, she will also be dryasdust and will be in a hurry to get it over with. In most cases, it's hard to judge whether you have chemistry or not, though there are times when it’s instant and obvious – it's one of the most important things to look for, or try to sense when you meet a bargirl.

The science

I did a quick Internet search to check out the science behind this concept of “chemistry”, for example, this article in Wikipedia, this article in The Huffington Post, and this article in Newshub.

The first thing I found out was that scientists and psychologists don’t use the term “chemistry”, preferring instead the phrase “sexual attraction”. They have a lot to say about pheromones, hormones, body mass index, the symmetry of features, general health, personality, physical attractiveness in women, and wealth and status in men – most of which seem to have little relevance to the relationship between a bargirl and her customer.

Of course, the bargirl has the whole lot: pheromones, hormones, an ideal body mass index, symmetry of features, general health, and physical attractiveness (though some may be lacking in the “personality” department, being either boring, manipulative, or freaked out on Yaa Baa). Her customer, on the other hand, has hardly any of these desirable qualities.


Take pheromones, for example – by this time in the evening, in an unaccustomed hot climate, he will stink so much of sweat that his pheromones will be overpowered. His body mass index would probably register on the “obese” end of the scale. His features will be “craggy” at best. Alcohol and mongering will have taken their toll on his general health, and his personality, however interesting to himself (and even to his friends) can in no way compare with Somchai, the tuk-tuk driver’s, who is Thai, after all. However, the customer has two things in his favor: wealth and status.


All foreigners are relatively wealthy, and the ones that are wealthier (or more generous), are quickly detected by a bargirl’s “invisible antennae”. As for status, that is conveyed by his white skin. In Thailand, the higher your status the paler your skin (because people who slave all day long in rice paddies are exposed to the sun and go brown).

A bargirl showing physical attractiveness and ideal body mass.jpg
The practicalities

But all the above is too general to help you know if you have “chemistry” with any particular bargirl. All you can do is try to sense it during The Lady Drink Interview. It is a deeply instinctive thing, and it’s very easy to get misled. In my experiences in the bars, two things, in particular, have misled me. 

1) Good conversation: if a girl is fluent in English, and has a lot to say for herself, it is very easy to mistake it for chemistry. But chemistry is a purely physical thing and has nothing to do with how easily you can chat with her.

2) Dry humping in your lap: this is something that a lot of bargirls will do to get a bar fine, and it can be very deceiving indeed. When that cute little butt, clad only in the tiniest T-back is pounding up and down on your groin, and her tits, held in by the merest wisp of a bra, are wobbling in your face, it’s hard not to think she won’t do exactly the same in bed without the T-back and the bra, and with your John Thomas in a more interesting place than your pants. But it’s still no evidence of chemistry. In many cases, it’s just acting, and all too often the dry humper will turn into a dry pussy starfish when you get her back to the hotel.


Here are two actual examples taken from my diaries. The first shows what can happen when there is dry humping, but no chemistry, and the second what happens when you have chemistry, even if the physical contact is more subtle.

Angeles City 2008

In the bar, Gemmalyn was dry humping in my lap, and Mary-Ann was talking about blow jobs and 69’s, but on the way back to the hotel, Gemmalyn broke the news that Mary-Ann “doesn’t do sex”, only naked cuddles – that was a real downer because Mary-Ann was the one I liked best.

In the hotel, it was even worse. Mary-Ann hid in the shower, and when I turned to Gemmalyn and started feeling her up she said, “No fingers in pussy!”

What a turn off! My tower of power wilted, and I just lay there not knowing what to do. I thought that Gemmalyn might have made some effort to get it up again – a handjob, for example, but no, she just lay there like a sack of potatoes.

In desperation, I suggested that they give me a message, but Mary-Ann still wouldn’t come out of the shower, and though Gemmalyn made a half-hearted effort, she didn’t touch me there, so it didn’t do the trick.

In the end, I threw them out. I was angry with them and angry with myself. What was wrong with me? Was I like an old man who needed Viagra? I couldn’t understand it. Back home, I get a hard-on just thinking about naked girls, and there was one – a big titted teen, to boot – lying naked in my bed, and I was as limp as a wet rag. Maybe I should see a doctor.

Soi Cowboy, 2009

The next stop was the Midnite bar. I had only been watching a short time when I got a sweet smile and a cute little wave from a petite sweety. I signaled her over, and in a moment she was by my side, stroking my arm and leg. I felt it straight away, like a sort of tingling feeling, and the thought flashed through my mind, “We have chemistry!”

Nok is “yee-sip” (20). She is 4’11”, has a sweet, round face, flat nose, and blonde highlights in long hair. We chatted for a while, then a waitress, seeing how well we were getting on, said, “You bar fine her?”

Midnite has short time rooms upstairs [I don’t know if they are still there], so I decided that it would be more convenient than a taxi ride to Soi 4.  I showed her the shower, and after what seemed an age, she came out with the towel wrapped around her. Of course, I pulled it away and devoured her with my eyes. 

Nok has a wonderful body – very firm and taught – small breasts, with small, firm nipples, the most amazing tight, firm butt (topped by a largish tattoo with a heart and a butterfly), washboard flat stomach, her skin an amazing combination of taught and soft.

I was her first westerner [I found out, later that she had only worked there for a few days] and when I came out of the shower, she took one look and gasped: “Oh, my God!” and she did seem very tight at first. She got wet though, and we were soon quite comfortable together. Her kisses were wonderful, as were her caresses – I had more of this kind of intimacy than with any other girl so far. Made love twice.

Will viagra help with the Chemistry?

The simple answer is – no. However, it will help your confidence. The bottom line is that, if you have found a girl with whom you have “chemistry”, you won’t need it. If, as sometimes happens, the girl doesn’t like you (whatever part she acts), her body won’t send out the right signals, and your body won’t respond. It can be very challenging for a man, because he has to perform, while a woman only has to lie there, and if there is no natural lubrication, there is always the KY gel.

In my early days as a monger, I carried a complete “sex kit”. This included condoms, KY Gel, and Cialis (I preferred Cialis because it stays active for longer). This enabled me to perform under almost any circumstances, whether she was up for it, or was the biggest starfish in the seven seas. These days, I take a more philosophical approach. If it turns out that we don’t have that chemistry, I’d rather send her away than have the kind of sex I could have with a blow-up doll. My maxim now is: TRUST YOUR BODY! Your body will let you know if sex with that particular woman is right or not.

You can find more information about Viagra and its alternatives in the blog post

Should I Use Viagra In Thailand?